Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
