The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
