guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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