If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
