bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
