trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
