Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
