I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
