i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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