I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
