omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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