They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
