Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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