I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
