Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize