just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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