What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize