He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
