Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
