definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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