her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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