Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
