Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
