i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
