final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
