coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
