I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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