She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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