dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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