We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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