a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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