I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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