Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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