I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
