Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
