Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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