just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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