This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
