omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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