Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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