I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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