well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
