just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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