I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
