butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
