Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
