i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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