We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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