you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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