Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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