my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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