i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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