so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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