The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
