I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i love accidental penises.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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