I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
