I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
