i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
