Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
