I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The adults are the big ones right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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