dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
