I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
