i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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