Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
