dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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