Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
