Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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