I can't breathe out the right side of my face
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
