it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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