listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
